heart broken

I'd never make anyone read this, so if you dont want to, dont.

*FAULT*
I can't figure out where we fell apart
And I’m searching for someone to blame
For all this pain and all the tears
And I don't know how I manage
To go on loving you
After all that you've put me through
I tell myself ifs not your fault
I tell myself I didn't make you do it
But I blame myself for everything
And if only I had been there
Maybe things would be different
I have dreams of how you used to be
And I wake up crying and screaming
God how I miss that feeling
Miss your kisses miss your smile
Whatever went wrong?
How could we have been so perfect?
When I look in the mirror I remember
What it was like to smile
But it's only a fading memory
And my eyes are tired of crying over this
But I'm not strong enough to give you up
And you weren't strong enough to hold on
I should have held your hand tighter
I could have helped you live through this
And I can't help but think
This is all my fault

*THOUGHTS OF YOU*
I look at my wrists and see my scars
And begin to wonder if yours look the same
And I wonder if your mother checks your wrists every day
The picture I have of you doesn’t do you justice
And I wonder how much you’ve changed in a month
And I can’t help but wonder how I’ve changed
I can look in the mirror and see that I smile more
But behind my eyes lay the tears I haven’t cried for you
And sometimes I feel guilty that I’m getting better
While you sit at home locked in your room swallowing pills
I wonder if there was something I could have done
Or if this was all inevitable
It doesn’t make sense that you could take back what you said to me
But you weren’t thinking correctly when you tried to kill yourself
Maybe you weren’t thinking right when you whispered you loved me
Maybe I was holding someone else’s hand all those times
And this imposter was just in your body
And perhaps I don't love you at all
Or perhaps its you I love but you aren’t the one who tried to die
Either way I haven’t seen you in two months
And my memory of your voice gets softer and softer every day
I wonder if you ever meant those things you said
But mostly I just wonder if I’m strong enough to let you go if you didn’t

*X'S ON MY CALENDAR*
I woke up missing you
And as the day goes by the feeling only gets worse
This is one more day to mark on the calendar
Counting away from the last time that I saw your face smile
Or even the last time I saw your face frown
I’m painfully addicted to your memory
And each day is another spent missing you
And without the hope of seeing you again
I really have nothing to look forward to.

*NEW MOON*
The moon is only half full
like my smile is half real
my head is still filled
with the memories of you
that brought me so much joy
then so much pain

the tears arent mine this time
but yours
and the stars fall from my sky
as if to tell me
that there's nothing I can do
but sit back and watch them fall

and as much as I reach to you
the sky gets darker
the moon just gets smaller
until I cant even fake a smile

*OCEAN CURRENTS*
You’ve made me think of things
That I avoided daily
Until you came along
And shoved reality in my face
I had no choice but to swallow hard
And swim up for air
In-between waves of insecurity
You brought out things in me
I hid from everyone else
Like you pried me open to look inside
And you got to know me
More than I wanted to share
Seeing your smile made me smile
Like I hadn’t for years
Like I was five years old again
And I had won you at a fair
But eventually reality kicks in
And I’m left open and soar
Gasping for breath
Grasping for land
And you’re watching me float
And telling me you won’t help
You’ve opened me up to the outside
And now I’m left to fight this on my own
Everything was simple
Until you came along
And shoved reality in my face
I had no choice but to swallow hard
And swim to the surface

*FOUR SEASONS LOVE*
I love the sound the rain makes
Falling on glass window panes
Almost as much as I love the feel
Of grass upon bare feet
Or the smell that fills the air
On summer nights
On lonely beaches
I love the way the flowers bloom
Just in time for spring to come
And the way the sun
Lightens up the world
I love the stars that fill the sky
That lover’s whisper wishes too
Almost as much as I love nights
Spent walking hand in hand
Or days spent laughing over nothing
I love the way the air smells
Just after the biggest storm
And the way the grass is lined
With dew drops like crystals
And how the air feels cool
Upon our cheeks in autumn
I love the colors of the leaves
That dance in the wind as they fall
And the snowflakes
In there cold and wintry beauty
I love the way the sun rises
And the sun sets
I love the way our eyes meet
And all that is said is a smile
I love the way you make me feel
And the way our hands fit
I love the twinkle in your eye
Every time you say I love you
And the way your lips move
Even when you aren’t about to speak
I love the way your hair smells
Like flowers and cotton candy
And the way your feet shuffle
If you’re trying to stand still
I love the way your hair falls in your face
And how your eyes look at me
I love the beauty
That being with you helps me see

*FAREWELL*
The music doesn’t drown out the voices in my head
And I can still make out your silhouette in the driveway
You haven’t left me yet but I’m not holding you back this time
And I just let my tears fall in rivers of azure blue
Like the summer storms I used to dance in as a child
The blankets remind me too much of your arms on my skin
So much so that I kick them off the bed in anger
How dare they taunt me with lingering feelings
By now you’re half way to California
Or at least that’s how the saying goes
How can you be so over me?
When I’m still holding on.

*PICTURE ME*
Don't let me die alone
I’m tired of the cold
And lonely nights
The grass is soft
Under bare feet
And the sky is pitch black
And full of stars
It’s so beautiful
And I’m so alone
Don't make me die alone
Don't leave me
In this field
Of wasted wishes
Where lies
And broken trust
Slice me like razors
Don't let me die alone
Come lay with me
On my bed of knives
And close your eyes
And picture something pretty
Picture me in your arms
As I picture you in mine

*STORMY TEARS*
I let the clouds do the crying for me
And I wipe my glasses with my sleeve
I watch the puddles form at my feet
And kick them till they scatter everywhere
The sky is filled with black and grays
Like the tired eyes in my reflection
And I throw stones across the water
Causing ripples to dance across my face
I won't cry today

*I MISS YOU MOST*
That feeling when winds turn cold
When all you want to do is wrap the blanket tighter
It's then that I miss you most
When it's daytime television
And there's nothing to watch
And it's all so much worse to watch alone
It's then that I miss you most
It's the times when the sun is just coming up
And the colors are beautiful to see
But everything so much duller
When you aren't with me
And it's then that I miss you most
It's the nights I spend crying over your picture
And the phone is just out of reach
It's the days when I see your smile
But the smile isn't for me
It's the times like these
When I miss you the most

*WELCOMING ROOM*
the room looks welcoming
and you have a smile on your face
the chair is over stuffed
but comfy none the less
I see your lips move
but I don’t hear anything
not that it matters
it's always the same
you'll ask me how I’ve been
and I’ll say fine
then break down crying
pour my heart out
your face stays calm
almost scary in its stillness
you nod in understanding
but I don’t care if you understand
I don’t care that you hold your notes
tight to your chest
as if they mean something to you
I don’t even care if you listen
after watching your lips move
and your expressions change little
I stand, nodding once again
and leave the welcoming room
your stillness and your smile
I walk a little lighter
part of my depression
left in the over stuffed chair
in the welcoming room
where you sit still, unmoving

*LEAN ON ME*
He is complaining
How he missed so many parties
While he was away
And here I sit
Nodding
Gritting my teeth
As I hear of all the nights out
The ones he sadly missed
The ones I never knew about

He said she had a party
This person I thought was my friend
He said he missed a movie outing
I must have missed it too
Because this is news to me
And so I sit
Nodding as I cry
While he sits talking
About so much stuff he was invited to

I don’t think he realizes
The pain I feel inside
Because he doesn’t stop
As my tears drip to the floor
I feel alone
His voice fades out
I feel the pounding of my heart in my throat
Every thing he mentions
Pushes me closer to reality

The reality that I was forgotten
That I wasn’t like him
I hadn’t missed these parties
I just wasn’t invited
And I feel alone
Like I shouldn’t care
That I should harden my heart
And just nod
Act as if I missed them too

But I know I didn’t miss them
I know I can’t just nod
And so I lean on him and cry
While he sits unaware
Saying its ok
Even though he doesn’t know what’s wrong
And all of the sudden I realize
He may be the only on who cares
And so I lean on him, and cry

*LISTEN*
I hear the pain in your voice
I can tell you hurt inside
Your eyes are filled with anger
At the world and at yourself
Your tears are black with hatred
Although they’re cried with love
A longing for love
Your voice trembles
And your tears fall
Into the silence of the night
But I’m listening

*STUPID QUESTIONS GET PAINFILLED ANSWERS*
Did it hurt you ask
As if you didn’t know
That words could hurt
Yes it hurt I say bluntly
I’m in no mood to explain
How his words pierced my heart
Yes it hurt I say
As tears stream down my face
Oh is all you can manage
Oh I’m sorry
Yah and I’m sorry too
But that does us both no good
So smile for me
It isn’t your heart that broke
Save your tears for someone
Who deserves them more than me
Did it hurt you ask
Yes it hurt

*PERFECT LITTLE EVERYTHING*
I wish I could be your perfect little everything
But I’m so far from perfect that I’ve lost track
And there’s no going back from where I’ve been
I pasted a smile on my face long ago
But it’s fading with time as it whispers lies
And my eyes have been dry since I started walking
And my feet aren’t even tired yet
I think I must be walking in circles
Because I’m not getting anywhere
I can feel the breeze through my hair
As I walk the deserted streets alone
But nothing’s perfect and I get cold
And I left my jacket somewhere
Near almost perfect
Somewhere I haven’t been in years
I wish I could be your perfect little everything
But I’m so far from perfect
I gave up searching
And I let the cold freeze my heart
But my feet aren’t tired yet
So I’ll just keep walking in circles
Till the tears start falling again

*WELL KEPT SECRETS*
So many thoughts
Things I’ll never say
I want to tell you
You’re my world
My everything
But I never say that
Not loud enough
For you to hear me
Whisper it to the stars
They know everything
All my secrets
Everything I’ve practiced
Saying over and over
Pretending
Its you I was holding
Not my pillow
The stars, your eyes
The wind, your whispers
My blanket, your arms
Just silly dreams of mine
Of things I’d never dare to do
Things I’d never dare to say
To anyone but the stars

*THINGS LEFT UNSAID*
It’s funny, what you never miss
Until it’s gone.
You say she had so much going for her
But waited till she died to tell her.
Sometimes the things said mean less
Than the things not said.
And you lost your chance to speak.

*WRITTEN APOLOGIES*
She never said she wanted this
She never said she didn’t
But her eyes filled with tears
And her wrists smeared with blood
She says she’s sorry for all the pain
She’s sorry for not being perfect
She’s sorry for ever being born
And she’s sorry for the tears you may cry
She never said she was going to do this
She never promised she wouldn’t
And if she did, it’s a promise she couldn’t keep
Her eyes are filled with the sorrow
She never spoke in her lifetime
And the blood is filled with all the pain
She never let bleed from her before
But she’s pure now and clean
Of everything that ever went wrong
And she says she’s sorry one thousand times over
Drawn in her blood on scraps of paper
Scattered about her room
She’s sorry for everything

*DECIEVING*
smile for you
Fake but flawless
I laugh for you
Perfected over time
And you can’t even tell
The difference anymore
My eyes glow
But not with happiness
But from tears
That I forced to stop falling
I lied to you
Told you I was ok
You didn’t even think
To question it

*BALLERINA*
You take me in your arms
And spin me like a ballerina
Your hands upon my waist
Don't let go
Cause I’m falling for you
You lift me off my feet
A little closer to heaven
Your face so close to mine
Don't drop me
Cause I’m falling for you
I wrap my arms around you
Putting my life in your hands
But I trust you
Don't stop spinning me
Because I love you
And this is as close to heaven
As I’d ever hoped to be

*SUFFOCATION*
Can I drown the pain away
Swallow the pills down quickly
Gallon of water to help them down
Drown my sorrows in drugs
That are supposed to make this easy
But it isn’t getting any easier
The world looks so dark now
No light no hope in sight
The pills are stuck in my throat
And I’m dying slowly
I don't know if I’m choking
Or if I’m just drowning and can’t breathe
But the sun has stopped shinning
And my eyes are pleading for air
Drowning myself in my sorrows
Drowning my sorrows in drugs
That are supposed to make this easy
But it isn’t getting any easier

*BATHROOM HOUR-GLASS*
Time passes so slowly
Like the drips of my faucet
As I sit on the tile floor
And watch the tears fall
In a rhythm of pain
I watch the sun set
Out side my window
Casting shadows
On the bathroom wall
I try to catch the tears
Before they fall
But have no luck
And I’ve given up
And I listen as the water
Ticks away time
All to slowly

*WELCOMING WITH A KISS*
Should I die slowly?
Feel every moment of pain
Kiss death upon the lips
Welcome it with open arms
The same arms
That once welcomed you

*TEARS*
Torrents of tears,
Cascade down my cheeks,
Salty kisses upon my lips,
A flicker of hope in my eyes,
Dies and fades to tears

*STAR LIGHT, STAR BRIGHT*
Wishing on a star
That’s fading fast
Wishing I could be with you
That this could last
But even the brightest star
Fades into the black
Even love so strong
Just doesn’t always last

*UNTIL (YOU'RE GONE)*
You’re the sun that doesn’t shine
When the sky cries tears of pain
You’re the bird that doesn’t sing
Because it’s locked in a cage
You’re everything that’s beautiful
Yet unappreciated till it’s gone

*NO SIGN OF YOU*
I feel the last of the fire flicker out
Leaving only charred wood and coal
And as the morning wind blows the last sign of life
I feel my heart turn cold
The wind pierces my chest
Like a thousand knives
I pull the blanket tighter
Not to protect my self from the cold
For the cold has already reached my heart
But to keep what life I have left inside
The love we had was no different than this very fire
And I’m what you left behind
The charred wood and used coal
No longer recognizable
And my heart crumbles like sandstone
As I think of your last words
Think of our last kiss
The kiss that sucked my very soul
Leaving me empty, useless, alone
My heart once a blazing fire
Filled with love and passion
Now a mass of blackened dust
But you,
Like a passing cloud you drifted away
Leaving my limp body looking up
Trying to follow you with my eyes
Finding shapes in the sky
But no sign of you

*OBLIGATION*
Do you cry because you care?
Or just because you think it would be wrong to laugh
Do you hear what I am saying?
Or are you just looking in my general direction
Do you have something in your eye?
Or are those tears for me
A gift you felt obliged to give
Since I’ve given them to you so many times before

*RED: THE COLOR OF LOVE*
I wrote a poem for you
But I ripped it to shreds
And threw it at the sky
Screaming to the heaven’s
The anguish I felt inside.
Unfortunately
I can not say it helped
Because my tears are still falling
On the snow at my feet
Melting the world around me
Tearing my heart to shreds.
I wrote you a poem
It told you how I felt
Exactly how I wished I could say it.
But I tore it up
In the mood of the moment
It was all I could think to do.
And now I'm left with nothing
No explanation to my madness.
No excuse for my tears
Only pain inside and out.
As I see you point and stare
All of you, so heartless.
And so, even without my poem
Without that last goodbye
I worked so hard to write
I take my life.
Not for pity
Because I see that in your eyes
But because I do more bad than good.
And the snow is filled with blood
Red the color of love
Now surrounds me
And for the first time
I'm surrounded by love.

*DREAMS OF ME AND YOU*
In my dreams
It was me in your arms
My lips on yours
In my dreams
There was no her
There was only us
And the clouds
And the stars
It was the world and us
But we were together
So it was us against the world
But in your arms I could take it
Anything the world dished out
And with your kisses I was strong again
In my dreams it was me in your arms
My lips on yours
But in reality
It’s always been her

*RAIN DANCE*
I notice that a storm is on its way
And I welcome it with open arms
And as the rain begins to fall
I reach out my hands to the heavens
And dance beneath the torrents
Singing a song of pain
Into the drops of silver rain
I watch as the sky opens up
And the rain cascades down my body
Forming streams along my body
Tracing the curves of my back and front
And I spin beneath the clouds
Like a pinwheel in the wind
And sing until my throat hurts
Till the cold air stings my chest
I dance until my legs give out
And I fall into the puddles on the ground
And I scream into the silence
The pain I feel inside
As I watch the rain carry my tears away

*PAID MY DEBT IN TEARS*
I couldn’t count the times you’ve been there for me, and I couldn’t count the times you’ve cared, but I couldn’t count the times my tears have been for you either. I couldn’t count the times you’ve made me smile, or the times you’ve made me laugh, but I couldn’t count the times you’ve made me wish I were so much more for you. So many tears have fallen in your name, so many poems with you in mind, so many wishes said for your well being and so many hearts with your name within. You’ve been my life, my world, my savior even. I owed so much to you. But I’ve paid my debt in tears.

*FORBIDDEN WALTZES*
The moon casts shadows on my floor
Dancing midnight waltzes on the walls
Forbidden darkness mixed with love and light
Mingle into one in the covers of my bed
And we dance our own midnight dance
Me so close to you I can feel your heart beat
And I can watch the shadows play tag on the walls
As you play tag along my body sending chills
Like a child exploring you search my body
Learning ever inch of my skin with your fingertips
And I hold you close not wanting to let this go
And we dance our secret dance by moonlight
Joining the shadows on the floor in their mystery
A secret kept by darkness and moonbeams
And we dance our midnight dance by moonlight
And fall asleep in each other’s arms
Watching the shadows dance
Forbidden waltzes on the walls

*NO WILL TO DANCE*
The darkness in his eyes ward me off
A knife gleams in his hand, and spins and shines
His face stone cold and focused on its beauty
He sits in the corner alone and desolate
Away from the world
Surrounded by his own troubled thoughts
He seriously thinks about his life
And wonders if its worth it
He spins the knife gently
Letting the light from the moon strike it
In his own little corner he raises the knife
Taking it in his right hand
Placing it gently on his left wrist
A girl walks by on the way to the dance floor
He doesn’t even raise his eyes
His mind thinks of only one thing
His wrist, the blood,
The pain that will soon drip away
The knife penetrates the skin
As blood drips on the hotel carpet
A Passerby pauses to speak to him
He looks up with his dark eyes
And it leaves with out a word
The blood beads on his arm
Glistening in the moonlight
But the pain doesn’t go with it as it drips to the floor
The pain bulges in his veins
Pushing its way out through the gash
But only blood leaves the cut
The hurt of heartache still throbs in his chest
And in his head thoughts tumble and crash
Making every thing seem wrong
Ever word jumbled and confused
The night goes on
Others dance and laugh
As the cold eyes peer from the corner
A knife laced with blood by the figure’s side

*ASHES*
The ashes fall around us
In a flame filled rain
Singeing my skin
Burning at my flesh
Hot red kisses
Like the ones you give me
Eating me in ecstasy
Leaving me burnt and scarred
Leaving your mark
As the one
Who kissed with fire
On his lips
The one who burned
My innocence in his flames
With a burning passion
I could never explain
So even after your gone
I rub my cheeks
And feel the scars you left on me
With your red hot kisses
And love falls to ashes at my feet

*FOLK LORE*
Distance makes the heart grow fonder
So I’ll leave you behind
In hopes distance will make you realize
Just what you’re missing
Distance makes the heart grow fonder
So I’ll leave you miles behind
In hopes you’ll love me someday

*KALEIDOSCOPE*
Like a kaleidoscope
The colors shift
Changing my view
One minute I’m with you
Then you’re no where to be found
And I’m getting dizzy
From all the spinning ‘round
Could you make it stop
Let me have a look
Before you disappear
Into the flowing colors
Getting nauseous
And I can’t seem to hold on
To my world that just keeps spinning
Every changing, shifting
Flowing colors
You fade in and out
And nothing last long enough
For me to feel secure
Like a kaleidoscope
And I'm getting dizzy
From all the spinning 'round
Could you make it stop?

*PUZZLE PIECE*
Tired of pretending
That this makes sense
Tired of smiling the tears away
Nothing fits quite right
And my puzzle isn’t complete
When it’s missing a piece
And my eyes are getting blurry
From the lack of sleep
And my stomach’s making noises
Protesting its lack of attention
When all I really want to do is cry
Cry my puzzle whole
Drowning the pieces under layers of tears
Washing away all the mismatched pieces
Till there’s nothing left to feel
But emptiness and coldness
A lack of need to live
But all I really want to do is cry

*ARSENIC KISSES*
I feel the air fill my wilting lungs,
As I breathe in your steady poison.
Kisses laced with arsenic,
And your lips are cold.
So cold they eat my warmness,
Inhale ever inch of my living.
I breathe in your poison,
Let it take the place of the pain,
That once filled the crevasses of my heart.
Your kisses are laced with arsenic,
And I thank you for the chance,
To feel something other than empty.
Kisses laced with arsenic,
And all I want to do is kiss you.

*SUICIDAL CANDY*
I’m choking down the embers
Of a once great blaze
Closing my eyes to all the pain
Painful suffocation
Not nearly as fast
As I hoped it would be
Swallowing the fire
Like my suicidal candy
And it tastes a lot like you
So much like you it hurts
To keep it down
Spit it out like you
Hot and cold and painful
Broke me, burned me
And I try to swallow the embers
But they taste too much like you
And I’m tired of your taste
Swallowing the fire
Like my suicidal candy
But it tastes too much like you

*DECOY*
He knows exactly how to make me cry
With every little word he says to me
He knows exactly how to lie to me
Still looking in my eyes
He says she meant nothing
But his eyes hold every ounce of truth
And I know the words he speaks
Are simply decoys to distract me from his eyes
But I’m not falling for his decoy
Not this time
He knows exactly how to make me cry
With every little word he says to me
With every thoughtless gesture
And every empty kiss
He’s just pretending
And he isn’t very good
I won’t pull away when he holds me
This is just a game
And I’m enjoying the pretend
And I don't want to believe
What I know down deep inside
Not just yet
The kisses mean nothing
To either of us
And the words whispered are hollow
And carried away with the wind
Dancing in our make believe
Eventually this will end
I’ll get tired of knowing
I mean nothing to him
I can only watch his lips move
For so long
And his eyes pierce stronger
With every lie
His decoy mouths to me

*BLISSFUL IGNORANCE*
I don't even notice the tears anymore
Until someone asks me why I’m crying.
And I’m snapped back to reality,
To find my hands covered in my own tears.
I must have been thinking too much again
And got lost in my sadness.
The tears fall so naturally,
Forming streams on my cheeks
Almost pretty even

*FAMILIAR TEARS*
I haven’t cried over you in a while
Now its all coming back in currents
I guess I was to busy to remember
The nights I spent wishing I was with you
None of them came true
And I'm still siting here
And all of the sudden I remember it all
Everything you said to me
All the poems I wrote you
Everything used to be for you
I don’t know when that changed
But the tears are for you tonight
And the blood is for you too
Just like the old days.

*SORRY FOR SOMETIMES*
Sometimes no matter how hard you try it just all comes out wrong.
Sometimes the sun isn’t enough to keep the lonely heart warm.
Sometimes the tears don’t fall from sadness but simply emptiness.
Sometimes it hurts more to be surrounded by people who call themselves friends
Than to be alone and know that its all just lies anyway.

Sometimes I cry for you...
Sometimes I don’t even know why I’m crying.
Sometimes the rain feels like it should wash me clean... but doesn’t.
Sometimes all I want is you to hold me... but all I can do is push you away
And I’m sorry for every sometimes that I hurt you.

*MIX TAPE*
Made a mix tape
Of every song
That ever made me cry
A tape 50 songs long
Every one reminds me of you
And the tears are so real
As they fill my hands
With their salty sadness
And I listened to my mix tape
All the way through
And cried a thousand tears for you

*WISHING ON STARS*
The stars I wished on
Were never stars
Like you were never mine
Just wishing things were different
Getting farther from it every time
And I'm tired of all the tears
That have fallen from my eyes
Tired from all the nights spent awake
Wishing things had been different
Reliving all my mistakes
In my head at two in the morning
And everything's so much clearer
Looking back
I never said the right things
Everything came out all wrong
And I was wishing on a passing plane
All along

*BITTER SWEET ROMANCE*
I need someone to buy me black roses
Someone to wipe the blood from my wrists
The tears from my blood shot eyes
without asking why I hurt myself so much
Why I stay up at night crying to myself
I need a bitter sweet romance
to sweep me off my soar and tired feet
so hard standing through this all alone
I need a hand that knows how to hold me
but knows when the tears are meant to fall
A bitter sweet romance
Someone to simply hold me through this all

*LOVE SCARS*
Love scars deeper than hate
What's done is done
You can't cheat fate
Said you'd hold me together
Well, you're a little late
And you're the one
That left the deepest scar

*COLORED GLASS*
Colors dance in shadows
Scatter across the blackness
Spreading shattered colors
Across black cold floors
I reach down to catch them
As they tumble to the ground
Catch the colors in my palm
And see them glimmer and shine
As the sun strikes their beauty
Broken rainbows filled
With shattered childish dreams
Hopeless dreamers searching
For the end of the rainbow
When they know
That the rainbow has no end
Broken shards of rainbows
Colors and dreams crumbled
Onto blackness
Scattering the wishes and hopes
Of those who had nowhere else to turn
But to the heavens
Wishing on rainbows
But finding only broken colored glass

*WORTH LIVING*
Took the pills to stabilize
What little stability I had left to save
Drank the poison to help it down
Choking on its bitter sweetness
Never felt so empty before now
The blood isn’t enough proof
That I’m alive, need to see my heart
Need to feel my heart beat in my hands
I need to feel you
Took the pills to stabilize
What little stability I had left to save
But I still need to see your face
To know that this is all worth living

*BLOODY PALMS*
Engraved a star in my palm
For all the wishes left ungranted
For all the whispered hopes
That you never got a chance to hear
Bloody palmed I hold your hand
Let me leave a bloody star
Where our hands meet
Where words mean nothing
And silence means everything
Where blood meets blood
And tears meet tears
Where wishes can come true
When whispered to bloody starred palms

*CRYSTAL TEARS*
shards of glass
pierce the skin
in a flow
of crystal tears
onto pale flesh
and I'm wondering
just where i got so lost
when everything
seemed so right
but it didn't last
long enough for me
to wipe my eyes
with my sleeve
its dirty now
stained with blood
and tears
stained with memories
and scents
of a time back when
things made sense
and the sky was blue
just because
it didn't need a reason
and the birds could sing
without explaining why
but it all fell apart
into shards of life
that scrape and scratch
on the way down
and I've hit the very bottom
where I'm surrounded
by crystal tears
and bloodied glass
that pierce flesh
with such careless ease
it scares me

*TASTES LIKE THIS*
Bitter as the winter's wind
On a cold lonely night
When all I want to do
Is hold you tight
But you aren’t around to hold

As sour as a lemons sting
On old and torn cuts
I miss the numbing pain
Left stinging old scars
With no one to wash it clean

Every last breath of love
We ever had
Sucked through cold lips
Pressed tightly
In good-byes kiss

If winter tasted
If cold tasted
It would taste something like this

*STRIKE OUT MY EYES*
Strike out my eyes
So I can't see you lie to me
So I can't see this fall apart
Into fragments of broken trust
I find myself questioning everything
Touching things to make sure they are real
I never touched you enough
Maybe if I had I would have know
That you were so fake

*SLITTING YOUR WRISTS*
I put the blade to my arm
But imagine that it's your wrist
And stop
Realize how much pain I'm causing you
As tears stream down my face
All I ever meant to do was bleed
See that I'm alive
I never meant to cut you
Dig you into my self made grave
Where you were never meant to go
This grave's for me
The scars are mine
Symbols of my pain
Not yours
And it hurts
To see the scars on you
As I hold the blade in my hand
As if you're guiding it across your own wrist
With every slice I take at my own

*BLEEDING INK*
Blotting my pen on paper
Bleeding ink in swirls
Against parchment yellow
Forming words unheard of
That flow like cascading waterfalls
And smell as sweet as roses
With the horrid bite of winter
And chilling breathe of wind
Arms to hold you in darkness
With hands to break your heart
Crying tears on paper
Bleeding sorrow into words

*LACE AND CURTAINS*
I've been bleeding so long
That the world is tinted red
And scars line my arms
Like pretty curtains hanging
Over sun cast windows
Pale and worn from constant light
They'll fade in time
With the color of the cloth
And I'm just so worn out
The color's draining from me
No more red to bleed
Simply pale skin on frail bones
Delicate as old lace dresses
That old fragile ladys wore
But can't wear anymore
Because they would tear
Don't break me
It would be so easy
I'm so worn out and thin
Don't break me
Tear me
Like old lace curtains



Everybody's got their problems
Everybody says the same things to you
It's just a matter how you solve them
And knowing how to change the things you've been through

I feel I've come to realize
How fast life can be compromised
Step back to see what's going on
I can't beleive this happened to you
This happened to you

It's just a problem that I'm faced with am I
Not the only one who hates to stand by
Complications that are first in this line
With all these pictures running through my mind

Knowing endless consequences
I feel so useless in this
Get back, step back, and as for me,
i can't believe.

Part of me, won't agree
Cause I don't know if it's for sure
Suddenly, suddenly
I don't feel so insecure

Part of me, won't agree
Cause I don't know if it's for sure
Suddenly, suddenly
I don't feel so insecure
Anymore

Everybody's got their problems
Everybody says the same things to you
It's just a matter how you solve them
But what else are we supposed to do

Part of me, won't agree
Cause I don't know if it's for sure
Suddenly, suddenly
I don't feel so insecure

Part of me, won't agree
Cause I don't know if it's for sure
Suddenly, suddenly
I don't feel so insecure
Anymore

Why do things that matter the most
Never end up being what we chose
Now that I find no way so bad
I don't think I knew what I had

Why do things that matter the most
Never end up being what we chose
Now that I find no way so bad
I don't think I knew what I had





To every broken heart in here
Love was once a part, but now it's disappeared
he told me that it's all part of the choices that you make
Even when you think you're right
You have to give to take

But there's still tomorrow
Forget the sorrow
And I can be on the last train home
Watch it pass the day
As it fades away
No more time to care
No more time, today

But we sing
If we're going nowhere
Yeah we sing
If it's not enough
And we sing
Sing without a reason
To ever fall in love

I wonder if you're listening
Picking up on the signals
Sent back from within
Sometimes it feels like I don't really know whats going on
Time and time again it seems like everything is wrong in here

But there's still tomorrow
Forget the sorrow
And I can be on the last train home
Watch it pass the day
As it fades away
No more time to care
No more time, today




But we sing
If we're going nowhere
Yeah we sing
If it's not enough
And we sing
Sing without a reason
To ever fall in love

Well we sing if we're going nowhere
Yeah we sing if it's not enough
And we sing
Sing without a reason to ever fall in love

But we sing
If we're going no where
Yeah we sing
If it's not enough
And we sing
Sing with out a reason to never fall in love
To never fall in love again